


In the Mirror

by ChelBlue



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender, Transgender Matt, trans Matt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 13:59:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12322422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChelBlue/pseuds/ChelBlue
Summary: This just doesn't feel right to her.





	In the Mirror

She looked herself in the mirror, her hand delicately lifting her purple party dress. It was frilly, but still simple, and clung to her in all the right places. It showed off her feminine features, those being her hips and chest. Her hair was long and ginger, done up in a loose bun for the event. Her freckle dusted face was already painted with makeup to bring out her eyes and lips. She was stunning, and sure to turn heads.

She hated it.

It didn’t feel right to her. Maybe it was the dress. Maybe it was the way it fit her, leaving too little to your imagination for her taste, despite being conservative in comparison to the dresses of her peers.Or maybe the makeup wasn’t quite right. She was never very good at makeup - that’s what her mother always told her. It was true. She always was too heavy on the blush. This time, though, she did well. She was probably just insecure, like all teenage girls, right? Everyone gets insecure. That was it. Just insecure. She’ll get over it. 

Turning around, she tried to admire her obvious beauty. She had to admit she looked good, but she still didn’t feel very confident in her appearance. She could feel the eyes on her already. Her mom always said that was a good thing, to have everyone’s eyes on you. She’d never understood the appeal. She slumped her shoulders, making her feel smaller and less noticeable. She couldn’t help but notice the way the front of her dress fell away from her chest, making it look smaller. She liked that. 

She was torn from her thoughts by the sound of her phone vibrating behind her. She looked at herself in the mirror one more time before walking to her bed, taking a seat. She lifted her phone off her purple comforter, her thumb hovering over accept for a moment before she clicked it and brought the phone to her ear.

“Matilda!” She flinched away from the phone. She wasn’t sure if Ell was excited or if she was just trying to talk over the loud dance music playing in the background. Knowing Ell, it could easily be either. She’d known Ell since middle school, and she should have known what to expect. She was just caught off guard. Today had been an off day. 

“The party’s starting, Mattie! Where are you?” 

She’d spent too long getting ready again. Or she spent too long looking at herself in the mirror. Either way, she’d made herself late. She stood up hurriedly, holding the phone between her shoulder and ear while she smoothed out her dress and fixed her hair. She glanced at the mirror again.

“Sorry Ell, I’m leaving now,”

. . .

“Are you sure you want to do this Matilda?” 

Her mother was looking at her disapprovingly from behind her compact. She’d stopped fixing her already flawless makeup to pay attention to her daughter. Her mother stood intimidatingly over her, making her almost regret asking. 

“Short hair is in,” She smiled nervously, shrugging. Her mother’s frown deepened as she moved her attention back to her contact. She brought her lipstick back up to her mouth, brightening the already show-stoppingly bright red. It brought out her auburn hair. 

Maybe this really was a mistake. Maybe she shouldn’t do this. It was really just on a whim, a decision that’d affect her appearance for the coming months made on just a feeling. A mood that could easily change. Even so, the more she thought about herself with short hair the more she liked it. And, hair grew back. She’d be fine.

“That was your excuse last time,” her mother pointed out. ‘Last time’ was when she’d asked for men’s clothing, using the same reason to get it. It wasn’t a lie - many girls nowadays were sporting men’s flannel or t-shirts. It wasn’t a style her mother was fond of - “girls should dress like girls,” - but she let her get the clothes anyway. For the past month she’d been wearing those clothes almost exclusively, only mixing it up to please her mother.

“Sarah cut her hair short last week,” she added, dangerously close to arguing, to talking back to her mother. “And Tori’s planning on it too.”

“Alright,” her mother gave in, quite frankly done with having to deal with her daughter today. She had more important things to do.

She cut her hair, and she loved it.

. . .

“C’mon, Mattie! You can’t go swimming in a t-shirt!” Ell pulled at her arm, trying to convince her to join the fun. “Here, you can borrow one of mine,” She thrust a two piece into her arms.

She had no idea why she agreed to this. She hated swimming, at least now she did. Didn’t always. Had something to do with having to wear a swimsuit, especially in front of all those people. It made her uncomfortable. She supposed the reason she agreed to go had something to do with Ell bothering her all week about this party, practically begging her to come along. She could never say no to Ell. 

“I don’t know..” She trailed off, uneasily eyeing the suit. It was a tad too big for her (Ell had always been bigger; made it difficult to share clothes, not that they did that much anymore), and was a lovely shade of green. It had to be one of Ell’s favorite. She felt bad turning it away. Ell gave her the most exaggerated puppy dog eyes she could manage. She sighed. 

“Fine,” She mumbled, turning towards the bathroom attached to Ell’s room as her friend cheered behind her. She could feel the dread already beginning to make its home in her gut. 

After slipping on the two piece, and adjusting it so it’d fit as well as it could, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her pale milky skin, in all it’s freckled glory, was on display for all to see. Her figure was obvious as one might expect, her breasts and crotch emphasized by the presence of cloth there. She felt exposed, much more than she did in her large t-shirt and shorts. The figure in the mirror didn’t look like her. At least, she didn’t feel like it was her, not anymore. It was probably just how much she’d been wearing men’s clothes now. She wasn’t used to seeing her curves on display. Yeah, that was it.

She didn’t feel well.

“Come out! I know you’re done,” Ell urged through the door. She hadn’t realized how long she’d been staring at herself. She’d gotten lost in thought again. That seemed to be happening a lot, especially when she got a good look at herself. With some hesitation, she opened the door. Ell began to fawn over how cute she looked. Oh, how Ell wished she had curves like that, how she could only dream of rocking a two piece the way she did. 

She didn’t feel any better. This didn’t feel right.

The party wasn’t any better.

. . .

“I’m Matt,” He greeted the mirror, adjusting his soft green jacket just slightly. His short ginger hair was now slicked up with some hair product he’d found in her mother’s bathroom, and his face contoured in a masculine fashion. He hoped the makeup didn’t detract from what he was going for. He wore a large purple hoodie, slightly worn, that hid his breasts, making up for the lack of a binder of any sort. His earrings were removed, and he was wearing the biggest pair of jeans he owned. 

“I’m Matt. How are you?” He repeated. His voice was as deep as he could make it, which only made him come off as a mockery of what he was trying to achieve. The cocky, albeit shaky, smile didn’t help make him look any less like a parody. He tried to ignore the joke he obviously was making of himself, turning in the mirror to admire fully his appearance.

“Aren’t you handsome?” He winked at himself, his smile becoming a tad more genuine. The changes he’d made had most certainly helped him appear masculine, but he still retained many feminine features that were blaringly obvious to him. The way his breasts were still visible if he stuck his chest out too much, or the way his gestures still radiated femininity. Even so, he felt more confident like this. It made his heart soar to see himself like this. The person looking back at him was him. It was an amazing feeling. 

A knock sounded from his bedroom door.

“Matilda? It’s late. Why is your light still on?”

His eyes grew wide, his smile dropping completely as he threw off the jacket and hoodie in a haste, quickly stripping himself of his clothes before throwing on a nightgown. He ran to the sink to quickly wash off the makeup he was wearing, and patted down his spiked hair.

“Sorry, mother! I just had to go to the bathroom!” he called through the door in his usual, clearly female voice. He cringed at it. That familiar feeling of dread and discomfort returned to his stomach. He ran to the wall and turned the light off. He threw himself in bed, doing his best to slow his rapid breathing in case his mother decided to come in to verify his claim.

She didn’t, leaving him to stare still wide eyed at his ceiling. He thought back to just minutes early, being dressed up so nice, so like him. He couldn’t help but smile, even if in the moment he was dressed in a frilly night gown his mother had given him last Christmas.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this was easy to read! It's unedited, sorry. 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr! chel-blue


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